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Monthly Archive: September 2005

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Thursday, September 15, 2005
Why are some people furious about Katrina

Some friends of mine did some research on previous catastrophic hurricane events. Despite what you may hear from the spinroom, history is the greatest telltale of what is happening down there in New Orleans.

In August, 1969, Richard Nixon mobilized the National Guard and the Coast Guard in advance of Hurricane Camille, and organized rescue and response teams to literally follow the hurricane into the affected areas, so that as soon as the storm moved out, help would already be present. Within hours of Camille's passing, over 1000 regular military troops and two dozen helicopters were added to the efforts of the National Guard and the Coast Guard.

In August, 1992, George H.W. Bush (Big George) was fighting for his job in a particularly vicious campaign for reelection (one which he would ultimately lose). Nonetheless, as Hurricane Andrew threatened South Florida, he left the campaign trail the day BEFORE the storm hit and returned to Washington where he marshaled the largest military operation on US soil in history. He sent in 7,000 National Guard and 22,000 regular military personnel and all the gear they needed to begin the clean up within hours after Andrew passed through Florida. He did this A FULL DAY IN ADVANCE OF THE STORM, and sacrificed campaign time he desperately needed in order to have a shot at victory.

Yet another August, this one in 2005, our beloved leader (George W. Bush, aka “Little George”), on vacation in Texas, goes for a long bike ride the day before Katrina makes landfall. As Katrina whacks away at the Gulf Coast, he attends John McCain's birthday party. The following day, as New Orleans' levees give way and the intense and toxic flooding begins, the Big Man saunters on over to San Diego to play guitar with a country music star then makes a speech at a military base where he makes an inept comparison of the war in Iraq to World War II and, incredibly, himself to Franklin Delano Roosevelt. On Wednesday, two days after the hurricane hit, as video tape of the absolute fiasco hits the airwaves, Bush decides to end his vacation early.

George… you should have paid attention in your history class. -HP

Thursday, September 1, 2005

Thursday, September 1, 2005
HEALTH ALERT: New Syndrome Associated with Habitual Use of the Internet

Mental health practitioners surprised by sudden uptick in SIWS cases.

Sudden Internet Withdrawal Syndrome (SIWS) is a relatively new condition that practitioners say can be triggered by an abrupt and prolonged inability to go online and an inability to cope with loss of network connectivity.

SIWS is often associated with mild depression and fatigue, while exhibiting obsessive-compulsive behaviors such as arranging food and clothing hierarchically (cross referenced to maker, age, size, and color by using string or thread), storing irrelevant data, repeated reaching for the CTL+A+delete keys while looking at a dirty kitchen. In some extreme cases; in high or acute stress situations; OCB could manifest into paranoid (e.g., profound fear of people trying to inject viruses or spyware into the brain) and/or mild schizoid personality disorders (e.g., assuming AOL screen name identities).

Other possible and observable symptoms: involuntary flicking of the mouse finger while watching television (to close or minimize windows), unconscious urge to hit CTL+Z keys to undo the last five minutes of personal conversation, involuntary impulse to check for email even while sleeping. Other symptoms may include visual artifacts such as pixilation in people's faces and oral fixations such as trying to burn cdroms using the mouth or suckling RJ11 and/or RJ45 cable ends.

Severe conditions require immediate and concerted treatment with a range of cognitive behavior therapies, MAO drug therapies, and extended social isolation in an appropriate community environment. Mild cases may only require a moment of reflection and restoring online services.

Source: Wyman Colonic Institute (WCI)

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